Mistakes? No – Blessings

Mistakes? No – Blessings

Both of my sons are adopted.

Both were open adoptions, and we met the birth moms before each was born.

My oldest son got to meet the birth mom of our youngest.  In fact, one of the most touching family moments we ever had was when my five year old son went to the birth mother of our youngest son and said “thank you” – spontaneous and unprompted – in the hospital when we took him home.

Anyone who has ever been in a hospital room with a birth mom about to surrender her child knows that it an emotionally charged atmosphere.  I lack the words to adequately describe it – but think of the hardest thing that you have ever had to do, and then mix in knowing your intense happiness involves the despair of another human or family – and that comes pretty close.

We have gone through this process four times; twice with birth mothers who decided not to go through with a placement, and two times that resulted in placements.

Today, the politics of “family values” was very front and center and appears will be front and center for much of the news cycles this week.

What has caught me off guard today – though I am keenly aware of it – is the pejorative way in which a large number of people view adoption.

One person on Twitter said that they “didn’t want to adopt someone else’s mistakes.”

Intellectually, I know that many share this feeling – but it is always like a cold slap to the face when you find yourself confronted so nakedly.

For my wife and I, our sons are the best things that have ever happened to us.  And they are by no stretch “mistakes” – they are real people with real hopes, dreams, and potential.

I’m writing this neither to be Pro-Adoption or Pro-Life or to make any political statement whatsoever.

I’m writing this only because I’m a father who loves my family above all else.

And I celebrate the love that our son’s birth mothers had for their children, allowing us to be the parents of the most precious gifts anyone ever gave us.

To anyone who cares to listen.

5 thoughts on “Mistakes? No – Blessings

  1. The twitter crowd can be loud and unthinking. Some of them have no clue what reality is like for the rest of us – the regular folks out here. Your voice however cuts through that rhetoric filled rabble and tells a story of human emotion and love.

    To label any of our children, planned or not, as mistakes is unconscionable. And I for one resent it. Your voice is a more rational one than I maintain in your position.


  2. David, I applaude you for giving voice to this. So often people spout out an ugly comment like that without thinking it all the way thru, not realizing the depth of emotions that were involved in the process.

    In my own family, my younger sister had two children, one year apart, with the same father, and in neither case was able, stable, nor willing to raise them. One of girls was adopted at birth by my older sister, who lives in a state far away. The next daughter, a year later, was adopted by a distant aunt in yet another state. The girls are now in their early 20’s, have met, and keep in touch with each other. They both thank their birth mother, who is still very unstable and broken, for giving them the opportunities to grow up with their adopted families, and they hold no ill feelings for her. She gave them the most beautiful gift, without even realizing it. Though not a ‘conventional’ situation, I cannot look at either of my nieces and see anything in them I could describe as a ‘mistake’.

    Thanks for sharing this with us!


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